


A Graveyard Confusion

by AshVarnei



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Gen, Humor, Triwizard, Weird, graveyard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 14:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshVarnei/pseuds/AshVarnei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU to book 4. Harry is helped in the graveyard, but not by his dead parents, but by a mysterious man in a brown, pinstriped suit. And a Blue Police Box. And Dumbledore watches Doctor Who?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Graveyard Confusion

**The writing in _italics_  is text taken straight from the book – Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.**

_**Harry crouched behind the headstone and knew the end had come. There was no hope… no help to be had. And as he heard Voldemort draw nearer still, he knew one thing only, and it was beyond fear or reason: He was not going to die crouching here like a child playing hide-and-seek; he was not going to die kneeling at Voldemort s feet… he was going to die upright like his father, and he was going to die trying to defend himself, even if no defense was possible…** _

_**Before Voldemort could stick his snakelike face around the headstone. Harry stood up… he gripped his wand tightly in his hand, thrust it out in front of him, and threw himself around the headstone, facing Voldemort.** _

_**Voldemort was ready. As Harry shouted, "Expelliarmus!" Voldemort cried, "Avada Kedavra!"** _

_**A jet of green light issued from Voldemorts wand just as a jet of red light blasted from Harry's - they met in midair - and suddenly Harry's wand was vibrating as though an electric charge were surging through it; his hand seized up around it; he couldn't have released it if he'd wanted to - and a narrow beam of light connected the two wands, neither red nor green, but bright, deep gold.** _

_**Harry, following the beam with his astonished gaze, saw that Voldemort's long white fingers too were gripping a wand that was shaking and vibrating.** _

Voldemort moved to break the connection, but found that he couldn't. He snarled at Harry, who was concentrating on holding his wand steady. Suddenly a strange whirling noise filled the air.

Th sound of the universe.

A dark blue police box materialised into the graveyard. Voldemort, Harry, and all the Death-eaters stared at it in amazement. Then the door opened, and a young man in a brown pinstriped suit walked out, looking behind him, chattering to a red-headed woman.

"So, Donna. Mystery Trip no. 2! What d'ya think?" The man spread his arms wide as if he owned the whole graveyard, still looking at Donna triumphantly. Donna stared around her, and then looked back at the man.

"Doctor, turn around," she said in a deadly serious voice. The Doctor blinked at her, and then turned around to see the whole of the graveyard staring at him. He looked a bit closer, and his eyes widened.

"Damn!" He exclaimed.

"You've got that right, space-man!" Donna snapped at him, as she shut the TARDIS door behind her. The Doctor glanced at her, then hastened to explain.

"No, no, no-no, I don't mean that the situation is a problem, I mean that I now have to go and find Martha to tell her that I was wrong, Harry Potter is real." Harry stared at the man in disbelief. How could he not be real?

"Doctor, you may not think the situation's a problem, but I'm sure he does," Donna told him gently. The Doctor looked round again, then blinked.

"Oh, yeah, right. Sorry about that." He reached inside his jacket, and pulled out something that looked like a metal wand. He then turned to Donna.

"Go and grab that cup over there. Bring it here." Donna looked at him.

"Ya know, I'm not an  _expert_  on Harry Potter, but I'm sure that if I touch that cup, I'll be whisked away somewhere. Isn't it a potkey or somin?"

"Portkey, Donna. And no, cos you haven't got any magical blood in you. The portkey needs magical blood to activate, I think." Donna rolled her eyes and walked across the graveyard, grumbling. The doctor grinned and then turned to Harry. The teenager had brought his other hand up to hold his wand steady, and was still staring at the doctor.

"Right... now Harry, I'm gonna break the connection with my sonic screwdriver. You need to take the portkey, and it'll take you back to Hogwarts, okay? Oh, and you'd better take Cedrics body back with you," he added, his tone turning serious. Harry nodded, still confused, but glad that he was now being given a way to escape. He just wondered why the death eaters hadn't killed these two weirdos yet. The red-headed woman named Donna had returned with the cup, and the man called the Doctor had carefully picked up Cedric's body, and gently placed him beside Harry.

Voldemort was watching them with horror, why were his death eaters allowing this to happen? Why hadn't they killed them yet? He would have done so himself, if he had been able to break the thin gold beam connecting his and Potter's wands.

Donna stepped back next to the Doctor, after handing him the cup.

The doctor held the cup ready for Harry to grab, and then aimed his sonic screwdriver at the gold beam. A flash of blue, an eruption of sparks, and the connection was gone. Harry, stumbling from the whiplash created fell onto Cedric as he grabbed the cup, and was immediately whisked away to Hogwarts. That was when Voldemort turned to the Doctor and Donna, absolutely furious.

"Ah... bit of a problem here... Donna..."

"Yeah?"

"Run! Now!" The two turned and ran helter-skelter for the TARDIS, just missing being hit by Voldemort's  _Avada Kedavra._  The doors of the TARDIS slammed behind them, and they fell to the floor, laughing madly.

"Did you see his face? The idiot Snake-man!" Donna gasped. The Doctor laughed again.

Harry was sat in Dumbledore's office, retelling the story to him and Sirius.

"And I yelled  _expelliarmus,_ and he yelled  _avada kedavra_ , but the spells sort of hit each other, and the beam turned golden, and I couldn't break the connection. And then there was this weird noise, this sort of grating, humming sound, and this blue police box materialised out of no where. Like the ones in those old movies from the sixties. And this man stepped out, followed by this woman, and they were really strange. The man – the Doctor I think he was called – said that he thought Harry Potter wasn't real, and the woman – Donna – said that 'she wasn't an expert on Harry Potter, but I'm sure that if I touch that cup, I'll be whisked away somewhere. Isn't it a potkey or somin?', and he said that cos she wasn't magical it wouldn't do anything to her... but how can he know about our world if he's a muggle? And he must have been a muggle, cos the portkey didn't do anything to him either, and neither of them were scared of the death eaters. But he had this weired metal wand thing that he called a sonic screwdriver. He broke the connection with it, and gave me the cup and Cedric's... b-body to bring back." Harry looked up at Dumbledore, who looked quite calm. "Umm Sir?" The man blinked and looked at Harry.

"Sorry my boy,I was just thinking. Have you by any chance heard of the muggle TV programme called Doctor Who?" Harry stared at his headmaster, as did Sirius, before wracking his brains.

"I think I remember something Dudley used to watch. When he was 9... played by some guy with a weird name, who wore these weird question marks..."

"Yes. I myself have watched many of these episodes during my life, I find it to be one of Britian's best TV shows. As it happens, I think the world of Doctor Who has somehow collided with our world."

"..." Both Harry and Sirius were now staring at the headmaster as though he were crazy. He knew it, but just twinkled at them in his usual way.

"Sirius, why don't you accompany Harry up to the hospital wing? I will look into the matter, although I am sure you don't need to worry."

"Goodnight Sir." "Goodnight Headmaster."

()()

"Well... I'd better phone Martha now, I suppose," The Doctor said as he regained his composure. Donna nodded, and passed him the mobile from where it was sitting on the console. The Doctor pressed a few buttons, and then lifted the contraption to his ear.

"Martha..."

" _Doctor? What is it? Has something happened?"_

"No.. well... not really. Nothing like that... it's just..."

" _What?"_

"I was wrong. Harry Potter is real. His world."

" _What! How do you know?"_

"Well... Donna and I stepped out of the TARDIS straight into that battle in the Graveyard in the fourth book. We sort of helped him out a bit... turns out it wasn't his parents he saw... it was us thinking he would see his parents... Paradox."

" _Good or bad paradox?"_

"Well... not a very important paradox, that's for sure. Not universe hole-ripping one anyway. I'm sure it's important to Harry though."

" _Anyway Doctor, I gotta go. I'll see you sometime?"_

"Yeah, bye Martha." The Doctor pressed the little red button and looked up..

"Well that went well." But he was talking to thin air. Donna seemed to have left the console room during his conversation. He was about to get up and look for her when she re-entered the room, holding up a DVD, a suspicious expression on her face.

"Doctor... how come the guy who plays that nutter Crouch junior on this DVD looks so much like you?"

"Uh... well... I sort of accidentaly landed outside the audition office and decided to give the part a go. I wasn't expecting them to hire me or anything..." He said, shrinking away from her. Donna just laughed.

"You must really like Harry Potter."


End file.
